I laid awake for a time in the dark this morning, curled up into a fetal position under strange yet familiar surroundings. My thoughts wandered to where I was at that current moment. Pondering the conversation that bled into 12:30am with ancient sages disguised as vagabonds.
With everything I have been unlearning and trying to relearn, my mind pondered my intentions for living, moving and having my being. If we are the creators and perceivers of our own reality, was this the reality I wanted to be in or was I blindly still trying to walk in someone else’s shoes? Was I still hoping to be recognized by their walk, their thoughts, their dreams, hopes and fears because I viewed my own as not enough. Was I trying to disappear into someone else’s story? Was I giving effort to lands that weren’t my own? Why this? Why here? Why now? If something had seemed “missing” from my life then why have I chosen the path I am so clearly walking. What does destiny, fate, co-creation and self realization have to do with one another. These intricate threads woven together like a Dream Weaver of sorts, trying to capture the nightmares we could create for ourselves so easily.
I stare around me at people, places and things so foreign and challenging me at every turn. Yet I still mold myself to mirror their efforts instead of boldly standing in the firmament of my own existence. Am I somehow still seeking meaning through the eyes of others instead of finding my own? The only difference is that I am quiet about it...until this moment. When will this cell, uniquely different and yet part of the collective body, start living the life it came here to live.
With this thought I sip my coffee before facing my morning commute back into a world that cares not of my own thought, hopes, dreams nor individuality. Those are my own responsibility. #namaste #selah #theawakening #metamorphosis #mynewnormal